Can I just be real for a minute? I am literally one hundred percent obsessed with my husband. I am that wife. I am the wife that other wives make fun of because I cry if my husband goes out of town. I don’t enjoy being away from him. I look forward to 5:23pm every single day and I shamelessly stand at the front door with our baby and watch for his Jeep to roll down the street. I absolutely love him and he is my very best friend.
And just as much as I love and adore him, it is easy for me to get bored with him. Why? Because life. Seriously, life just has a way sucking the energy out of you with its mundane ways. My husband gets home at 5:23pm, kisses me 13 times, grabs the baby, and ushers me off to the gym. I get a good workout in, come home and finish making dinner just in time for our baby to go to bed, and then we eat dinner. We both have a million things on our minds, so our conversations are scattered and less intentional than we would prefer. Then we both have work to do because, well, we both own small businesses. And before we know it, my 9pm bedtime has rolled around (because I am actually 87). And just like that, our day is over.
We start a new morning and it is rushed, as always. The hour we have together is over in what feels like ten minutes… every single morning. We try to text back and forth during my husband’s work day, but between his strict scientific protocol at work and our baby clinging to my legs while I do all the stay at home mom things, we just don’t get a ton of interaction.
And that’s how our weeks go.
If we aren’t careful and if we don’t make intentionally dating a priority, we find ourselves entirely disconnected, lonely, and desperate for quality time but with little energy to invest.
But the answer we have found is just that- intentionally dating one another. Yes, I still date my husband.
I know dating is often thought of and referred to as what you do before you get married, but I find that it’s far more valuable within our marriage. It requires much more intentionality, especially when you add children to the picture. It also requires more creativity at times, which leads to even more intentionality. Dating my husband comes with great benefit for our entire family. Here’s why I date my husband:
- Dating my husband with intentionality leads to awareness of his needs. When I take the time to pursue hime and invest in quality time, adventure, and romance, I am more in tune with his emotions. The more aware I am, the easier it is for me to meet his needs and serve him well- not just in our home, but sexually. When I date my husband, I am making his needs a priority.
- Dating breeds excitement! When I tell my husband that I have an adventure in mind or a date idea brewing in my head, it gets us both excited for the date. When we have something to look forward to, we both are less bothered by the mundaneness of our week. It gives us something to talk about and often helps us actually plan things together as a team. When I date my husband, it makes life a little less boring.
- Dating reminds us of the reasons why we love each other. When we intentionally carve out time- not just for a weekend date, but throughout our day- our love and excitement for each other grows. The small moments in between all the big ones are just as important. We can’t survive from date to date without ‘dating’ in between. It would be weird if you were dating someone and never had any spark between the date nights! Dating in the in between really helps us continue to truly know one another- because we are constantly changing. When I date my husband, I know him better.
- Intentionally dating one another models to our daughter what a healthy marriage looks like. We want our babies to all know that mommy and daddy are crazy about each other. We never want our love to be something that hides behind our bedroom door. Instead, we want our kids to grow up knowing and believing that marriage is fun, passionate, and intentional. We date because our daughter deserves to see us date.
I could probably go on and on, because dating after marriage really has been a huge investment for us. The times in which we have neglected this practice, we have seriously felt the impact and strain on our relationship. It takes a toll in little ways that add up to big consequences.
Whatever stage you are at in your marriage, I encourage you to make dating a priority. Get to know your spouse on a daily basis. Discover your spouse’s needs, and get creative in meeting them. Date your spouse for your own sake. Date your spouse for his or her sake, and date your spouse for the sake of your children.
Date your spouse because it is a valuable investment for your marriage.
Oh, and in case you feel like you don’t have “time” to date, or you are like us and rarely have an opportunity to go out because of lack of childcare, we’ve got you covered. Stay tuned for our best date night ideas that are far from boring and can happen in your own home!
