First of all, this isn’t your ordinary post on Clean Chef Messy Mom. Well, I suppose the post that preceded this one wasn’t ordinary either. If you haven’t read “My Wedding Wasn’t The Best Day Of My Life,” you should definitely read that one first.
It talked about challenges in marriage. It was not bashing of Daniel and yet it was honest at the same time. And it broke records for how many people viewed it, shared it, and messaged us about it. Literally thousands of women read and shared, and hundreds emailed me.
These are all unordinary things. But this post is unordinary for a different reason: because this time Daniel is sharing.
This may be the hardest post I ever write here. Not because marriage is challenging, but because there seems to be a million and one things I could talk about right now.
The overwhelming response Laura received was extremely heart-felt, thankful, and positive. It’s too bad that it’s unordinary to share about the very ordinary challenges of marriage. That’s one of the big reasons why I gave Laura permission to write that post.
Then there were a few–not many, but a few–who thought Laura was disrespecting me, or that I had cheated on her, or any number of things.
Well, that’s not the case 😉
Also, two or three people accused her of just “glossing over” my stupid mistakes. Let me be super clear and say it wasn’t like that. When Laura says that I did things that were far from pure, yet she chose to forgive me, it leaves out the devastation and heartbreak that occurred between the two. Her choice to forgive me was a process, and a very difficult one.
So there’s a million and one directions I could take this post.
- Do I defend myself and add to what Laura shared?
- Do I talk about humility and meekness and how it stewards and pastors my wife’s heart?
- Do I talk about transparency in marriage, and our value of being unafraid of each other and sharing the truth?
- Do I talk about shame, and how we will give no ground to it?
- Do I talk about forgiveness? About unconditional love? About what keeps our marriage alive and happy?
You see, there are so many things I could talk about!
Unfortunately, it’s because they are things that are not often talked about. Which, again, is why I chose to be bold and allow her to write about a topic that has been so hard for her. These things need to be talked about. Oh, how we wish people had talked to us about some of these things before we were married. And perhaps we will get to some of those issues in depth in the near future.
Instead, I first want to say this: I gave Laura full permission to write and share that post, and I wouldn’t change a word!
I wouldn’t change a word because what she shared is true. There have been times I have totally devastated her. I’ve said things that after hearing them, she wanted to run away. On many occassions, I’ve fallen far short of the vows I made to her on our wedding day.
If you were at our wedding, you know those vows were pretty darn amazing.
And yet I’ve failed to live up to them. Because life is so much more complex than what you can predict on your wedding day.
Isn’t it amazing how there’s no one else in all the world that I love as much as Laura, and there’s also no one else I’ve ever hurt so deeply?
How can both of these things be true? And yet, somehow they are.
That leads me to the second thing I want to say in this post: our wedding day was not the best day of my life either.
More and more, I’m discovering that the best days of my life married to Laura are the moments in which I learn to love and be loved a little bit more like Jesus.
Because that’s what I signed up for when I married her: to be loved when I am unlovable and to love her even when it hurts. Well, really, it’s that I signed up for the second one even more than the first. What else does it mean to be a Christian and “like Christ” than to love like He does, even at great cost and sacrifice?
And in our marriage this love goes both ways, meaning that not only do I get to love like Jesus and lay my life down for her, but she also loves me when I am unlovable.
Every time I shatter her world and break her heart, yet she still loves me, it is the best day of my life. Every time I fall short of the vows I made, yet she forgives me, it is the best day of my life. When I act in ways that make her want to run away, yet she stays, it is the best day of my life. When I am a complete idiot (because let’s be real, I can do some dumb things), and she finds the strength to carry on and choose to show me grace, it is the best day of my life.
There is nothing so humbling as receiving the love I don’t deserve, watching her grieve in pain that I caused yet still choosing me, and hearing her say “I still do.”
These are the best days of my life.
Andrew Fish says
Love this! I so appreciate both of you being willing to be vulnerable and write about topics that aren’t easy but are so necessary. love you guys!