mom

Dear Mom, You Need A Time Out

January 16, 2018

Do you ever feel like you just need a break from parenting? If so, it’s probably because you do need a break. And let’s make it clear up front that needing a break is not a bad thing. It isn’t a reflection of your parenting, and it certainly isn’t a reflection of your love for your child. It’s a reflection of your very human needs. And those needs have to be met if you want to thrive as a parent. So, moms, let’s talk about why we all need a time out and how it can really help us throughout our day.

If you know me or even if you keep up with my blog, you might know that I have one super feisty little lady. My baby, who is now thirteen months, has been nothing less than a fireball from the day she was born. I shared an article a few months ago about what it looks like to love her so much it hurts. And that remains true for us. I love her so much it hurts. And, I love her so much it hurts.…

From The Desk Of A Helicopter Mom

January 8, 2018

Yep, you guessed it. I am a helicopter mom. But before you judge me, let me explain a few things. First of all, I never thought I was a helicopter mom until I recently read an article called “10 Signs You Might Be a Helicopter Mom.” I met 9/10 on the list. And then I thought, “hmm, if these things make me a helicopter mom, then I fully embrace that title.”

Second, I think every single parent has a different upbringing, different experiences, and different motivations. So to say that “these ten things” make you a helicopter mom is a ridiculous blanket identification that is unfair. It also neglects to consider that every single child is different and has unique needs as they are guided through life.

So, now that I got those things out of the way, let’s talk about this a little bit.

The tem “helicopter parenting” was coined in Dr. Haim Ginott’s book Parents and Teenagers in 1969. The term was used to describe parents who hovered over their children like a helicopter. Essentially, it is used to describe parents who take too much responsibility for their children’s experiences and, specifically, their successes or failures. Even more specifically, the term was used in reference to school aged children. Now, I don’t think that means parents of toddlers can’t be helicopter moms (because clearly according to someones extremely scientific blog post— I am one), but typically, this term has more to do with older children.

And I get it. The textbook helicopter mom is one who takes responsibility for a child’s schoolwork, grades, and school schedules, and one who often makes it their responsibility to take care of their child’s conflicts and failures rather than allowing them to learn from those things.

The term, as it was initially coined, is one I agree with.

But the problem is, that term has been taken to mean a million other things over the last thirty-something years.

And it seems that now you can’t protect or guide your child in much of any way without being labeled a helicopter mom.

But what may seem like drastic hovering to one mom could actually be very loose parenting to another. While one mom may be teaching one lesson, the mom next to her could be working on another. Therefore, the parenting styles of each will be reflected in that and could be very different.

So that’s where we have to come to some sort of agreement that being a helicopter mom is entirely subjective. Because, again, every parent is different, and the needs of every child are different.

Interestingly enough, there may be moms who think I am totally careless with my child, while a whole group of other moms think I am a total helicopter mom. It’s just so subjective in nature that, unless we only use the term how it was originally intended, we can’t just go around assuming that protective parents are helicopter moms. And I don’t think we can label first time moms as helicopter moms just because they are first time moms. Everything is so unique to each parent. One mom may change drastically from her first child to her second, and another may be exactly the same.

We simply can’t assume and label people in their parenting styles when we have no idea what’s really going on.

And we need to start respecting that boundary, and stop it with that labeling.

And as for me, if I am a helicopter mom, I am not ashamed.

Because if being protective of my child at one year old makes me a helicopter mom, then I want the hat and T-shirt. And if spending more time playing with her than having her play independently makes me one, then I embrace that. Because these are the good ole days and I don’t want to miss out. If following her on the playground makes me a helicopter mom, then again, I accept the title. Because I would rather keep an eye on her than rush her to the ER for stitches in her forehead (that was me at two years old).

I think there’s room to let your kids get hurt and experience the consequences of things. But I also think there is a line where wisdom takes over and we do what is best for our kids, regardless of how people may label us.

When It Hurts To Love Your Baby

October 31, 2017

I recently read an article about finding joy in the midst of parenting, embracing all the moments, and choosing to have a positive perspective on parenting. The phrase that stuck out to me was, “it’s ALL JOY.” And being someone that is literally nuts about my baby girl, I wholeheartedly resonate with that. Somehow, in the midst of every exhausting day, and in the midst of every parenting trial, I still find being a mama to be the greatest joy I have known on this Earth. But I am also someone who happens to have a very, uh, passionate, strong willed, and determined child. She’s only ten months old and she is more confident of what she wants in life than I am, I swear. And with her determined and strong willed nature comes lots of choices for me. Do I lose my cool? Do I complain? How do I manage my stress levels? What do I do when I am genuinely frustrated with her? And with all of those choices comes the underlying choice that drives all the rest: Will I choose joy? The reality is, sometimes it hurts to love your baby. But even in the midst of that pain, there’s a joy. So how do we find that?…

5 Must Have Baby Items

October 3, 2017

When I was pregnant with my sweet girl, I remember being so stressed about what I needed. Although I was a first time mom, I did have some understanding of the fact that I wouldn’t need every single baby item on the planet. Even still, I was overwhelmed and wanted to be prepared. This led to some pretty humorous registering and re-registering, as well as purchasing and returning. Looking back, I feel it would have been beneficial to ask a few of my closest mom friends what their “must have items” were. For the sake of all of my pregnant friends and acquaintances, I decided to make a list with my own. But before I share my 5 must have baby items, I want to clarify a couple of things!

First of all, this list skips past the obvious items such as a crib and a carseat. Those things are absolute must have baby items, but this list assumes that to be a given. If you need recommendations on those things, I am happy to share with you. I will say that I *personally* recommend always buying a carseat brand new so that you know the exact condition. A carseat that has been in an accident should no longer be used. And while a carseat at a resale spot might look flawless on the outside, there’s no guarantee that it has not been in an accident. As far as a crib, I don’t see any problem with buying a used one, as long as you inspect it and it’s still fully safe, it should be fine!…

My Kid, My Rules: How I Embrace My Authority

September 12, 2017

If I have learned anything since becoming a mom, it is that there are million right ways to parent. And if I have learned anything else since becoming a mom, it is that most moms believe with confidence that their way is the number one right way. And since learning these things as a mom, I have had to learn what it looks like to embrace my authority as a parent. It is a process, and I am learning constantly, but I realize a little bit more every day that it comes down to this: my kid, my rules.

Now, before you think this is an entire post about not receiving advice from other mamas, don’t.

I actually think the strength and unity in motherhood is so powerful and such a beautiful thing. As I was visiting my family and community in California recently, I was blown away by the impact of being surrounded by other mamas in my stage of life and parenting. There has not been a single time since my baby was born that I felt so incredibly uplifted, understood, and empowered….

How I Embrace My Mom Body

September 6, 2017

Let’s talk about the whole “mom body” thing for a bit. It’s such a common thing these days to hear someone say “just embrace your mom bod.” I want to talk about what that really means to embrace my mom body, but first, I want to give you a little back story.

If you know me personally, you know that I have struggled a great deal with body image. I have done the diets, I have swung from one end of the spectrum to the other, and I have hated myself and my appearance no matter what end of the spectrum I was on. My journey towards true health and self love has been a long and sometimes complicated one, and I have had my fair share of “rebound” phases. In the diet world, those phases are the times in which I give up on one fad diet and go drastically searching for another. I did that so many times in the beginning of my journey, and it never brought any satisfaction. What I realized over time is that really becoming healthy takes a lifelong commitment, and it also requires adjusting not only my physical choices and food consumption, but also adjusting my thought processes and shifting my paradigm….