I recently had one of my married friends ask me about sex.
I don’t share intimate details about our sex life, however, I will openly talk about the things we have learned and the things that have helped us better our sex life.
My friend shared with me regarding the fact that she and her husband can’t seem to make sex a priority in their marriage. While Daniel and I don’t believe that sex is the number one priority in marriage, we do believe it is high on the list. My friend was shocked when I answered her question regarding how often my husband and I have sex.
But what she was even more shocked by was my answer to her appalled, “HOW?”
We plan sex.
Yes, that’s true. My husband and I plan times to be intimate.
The questions that were raised regarding this strategy were both hilarious and very thought provoking. It is an interesting thing at face value, but when unpacked, the concept of scheduling your sex life is amazing.
So here’s why:
- Scheduling sex and literally having it on our calendar means that there is a time and space in our busy schedules that has been carved out for it. It sits on our calendar just like any other appointment. And when you have an appointment, you don’t typically just blow it off because you were “just too tired.” An appointment is typically set during a time in which you know you can make it to that appointment. The same is true for us when we schedule sex. We don’t schedule it at times that are inconvenient. We schedule it for times when we will be at our very best. This greatly eliminates the possibility of us finally getting to a place where we have a spare minute, but then being too exhausted to do the act.
- Scheduling sex gives us something to be excited about. Although many might ask, “doesn’t that take the fun and excitement out of the moment?” No. It is quite the contrary. Scheduling sex gives us something to look forward to leading up to our “appointment.” It opens the door for fun text messages and phone calls throughout the day, and gives us a great deal of anticipation. And just because we schedule these intimate moments, that doesn’t mean we don’t have other spontaneous times in addition to the times we have scheduled.
- Scheduling sex gives us the peace of mind that we are making it a priority. When we plan well and put it on our calendar, we know that we are meeting one another’ needs. We know that doing this is creating a healthy level of sexual intimacy in our marriage, and we believe that level of intimacy eliminates (or greatly reduces) the opportunity for many other issues in our marriage.
It is a good thing, ladies (and gentlemen). Get your calendar out and start making appointments. You don’t have to write it out on your calendar and let your coworkers accidentally see it. You could put a little star or a little heart, but whatever you do, find a way to block out a time.