Here we go. This one is for all the married women out there that are searching for something more… for all the married women that feel like they are stuck… and for all the married women that find themselves feeling like their husband isn’t enough. I feel you. I see you. I get you.
You see, I am you. I am the wife that is always searching for something more. I am the wife that often feels stuck. I am the wife that often finds myself feeling like my husband isn’t enough for me. I am the wife that is constantly longing for more magic than is possible this side of heaven.
Maybe you have a perfect and shiny Disney worthy love story, and that’s awesome. But please, for the sake of your marriage, hear me out.
I have a pretty shiny love story, too, if you ask me. I mean, my husband rode in like a knight in shining armor with more algebra knowledge than should ever be okay. No, really. My husband was my math tutor and that’s how we fell in love. Pretty exciting, right? I still failed the math class. From the beginning, he wasn’t enough.
All the happy married couples say things like, “he’s my better half,” and “she completes me.” And while I get the idea behind that, something about it just doesn’t sit right with me.
Because my husband isn’t enough for me.
He definitely makes me a better person, loves me like no other human ever will, and believes in me in a way that is only God given, but he doesn’t complete me. And he doesn’t fill the deepest cracks of my soul like I used to imagine my husband would.
Every time I think he should- every time I feel like something is missing in my life and I look to my husband to make it better- I find myself disappointed. Every time I think he is the answer to my problems, I find myself feeling let down. Why? Because he is a human. When I expect him to meet every need in my life and give me that feeling of “my life is complete,” I come up short. Because my husband’s role isn’t to complete me. His role is to be one with me.
And two imperfect people don’t make one whole person.
While it is true that we become one, we are still two imperfect and flawed individuals, and the very fact that we become one doesn’t make us any less flawed or imperfect. It doesn’t make us whole and complete. There’s still something missing that we cannot provide for one another. There are still holes in our lives that we cannot fill for one another.
Here’s a real life picture for you. I often get super overwhelmed and stressed out towards the end of the ‘work day.’ I am worried about not getting dinner ready before my husband gets home from work. I am bothered by the gigantic pile of scrambled eggs that my baby threw on the floor. I am annoyed that the internet isn’t working. I am trying to finish photographing food for upcoming cookbooks while also emailing marketers about publicity opportunities, and I am irritated that we haven’t arrived with our finances. Basically I am just in a million places in my head and totally worked up over a million things. And I think to myself, “thank goodness Daniel will be home in a few minutes.” I decide ahead of time that my husband will come home, be my savior, and make all the wrong things right.
But Daniel walks through the door and all of those things that are huge in my head are not even on his radar. I want him to make it all better, but instead, he walks in and leaves his socks on the living room floor and may not even notice all the things I am handling all at once. He doesn’t innately know that I am dealing with six hundred and seventy two problems and that I have silently placed an expectation on him to fix it all.
And suddenly, every problem I had becomes his fault. I become frustrated and irritated with him for not fixing my world, reducing my anxiety, and bringing peace into every corner of my life. I feel angry and bothered that he was not enough for me in that moment.
And the reality is, my problems are deeper than eggs on the floor and broken internet routers. If that’s all that was going on, then maybe he could fix all my problems. The reality is, the fears, anxieties, and frustrations I carry in my heart are just that- they are heart issues.
And here’s where the lesson comes in.
It’s in these moments, just as I am about to get fired up and let him have it, that I realize that my husband isn’t enough for me.
He isn’t responsible for my feelings and my heart issues or for making them better, and he isn’t responsible for eliminating my fears and anxiety
Another great example of this is my body image. My husband’s affirmation that my body is beautiful isn’t enough for me. I am still a person with flaws, with fears, with insecurities, and with anxieties that my husband is not responsible for eliminating. He couldn’t do it even if he tried.
Because he isn’t enough.
And here’s where the somewhat cheesy but all too real and powerful and mind blowing truth comes in:
Only Jesus is enough.
Only Jesus can come into those deep cracks and fill up the empty spaces. Only Jesus can eliminate the fears and anxieties and speak a mighty truth that will break the lies I choose to believe.
Only Jesus can make the wrongs right and shed light in the darkest darks.
My husband isn’t enough for me, despite all my best desires and efforts to turn him into my savior.
My husband isn’t enough for me, but Jesus is.