For Moms Only

When It Hurts To Love Your Baby

October 31, 2017

I recently read an article about finding joy in the midst of parenting, embracing all the moments, and choosing to have a positive perspective on parenting. The phrase that stuck out to me was, “it’s ALL JOY.” And being someone that is literally nuts about my baby girl, I wholeheartedly resonate with that. Somehow, in the midst of every exhausting day, and in the midst of every parenting trial, I still find being a mama to be the greatest joy I have known on this Earth. But I am also someone who happens to have a very, uh, passionate, strong willed, and determined child. She’s only ten months old and she is more confident of what she wants in life than I am, I swear. And with her determined and strong willed nature comes lots of choices for me. Do I lose my cool? Do I complain? How do I manage my stress levels? What do I do when I am genuinely frustrated with her? And with all of those choices comes the underlying choice that drives all the rest: Will I choose joy? The reality is, sometimes it hurts to love your baby. But even in the midst of that pain, there’s a joy. So how do we find that?…

What To Do When Your Husband Cheats On You

October 26, 2017

If you are married or have ever been married, you know that marriage is hard work. It’s nothing short of complicated and exhausting, and it’s also the most magical and mind blowing partnership one could ever imagine. I can’t speak for every marriage, but in speaking for my own, I can also say it can be the most fun and amazing experience on a daily basis- if I allow it to be. And it is without question that my husband and I are responsible for making choices that create the most healthy atmosphere possible in our marriage.

But what happens when we don’t?

What happens when one or the other of us begins to make choices that do more harm than good to our relationship? And then what happens when those choices begin to pile up, resulting in consequences that seem greater than our ability to manage?…

What It Means To Speak The Truth In Love

October 24, 2017

Confession: I have deleted this and rewritten it more times than I would ever like to admit. Seriously, I have spent more time shying away from sharing this post than I have spent showering in the last three months. But something clicked with me yesterday. I realized that the reason I keep deleting it and rewriting it is because it is because I really need to share it. Speaking the truth in love is an idea that gets tossed around like a buttermilk pancake, and it’s time we put it on the plate, cut it up, and dig in.

I don’t know about you, but I have spent most of my (christian) life with a pretty concrete idea of what it means to speak the truth in love. I really believed that it meant bringing correction or saying “hard” things that others needed to hear, but doing it in love.

That is, I used to believe that.

Over the last couple of years, I started to notice a trend. I noticed it mostly in my own life, but I saw it in the lives of others as well. I noticed that in times of deep struggle, there was a common language used to remind me of the ways I was failing or needed to improve. I heard more times that I can count, “because I love you, I just need to speak the truth in love.” That statement was followed by a way in which I was doing something wrong or needed to improve. I was being told something less than perfect about myself that I already knew.

For about a year, I just nodded and smiled, not having the courage to speak up.

Finally, this past June, I reached out to a mentor and mama friend that is always full of sound wisdom. I asked her something like this: “Have you ever had enough people tell you things about who you are that you start to believe them?” I was at a pretty low place, and I still have not processed whether that was due to family dynamics, delayed postpartum depression, or pure loneliness. But I knew that enough people were correcting me and calling me out in every area of my life, and telling me things about my own heart and motives, that I was starting to believe that there was no good in me.

My mentor replied back with a long and powerful message, and while I would love to share every detail about that, she made a statement that rocked my world.

“Speaking the truth in love has become a license in the church for us to shit on one another.”

I remember every feeling I had as I read that message. Something clicked inside me, and I realized what speaking the truth in love really means.

You see, when we are in a low place- when we are struggling and walking through the lowest valleys in our lives, we are often well aware of our struggles and our shortcomings. We hear the lies that are pounding on heads and hearts, reminding us of all they ways we will never measure up, and we often know very well the ways we have fallen short. We spin on the axis of self criticism and doubt, knowing all too well that we are less than perfect. We are darn good at criticizing ourselves and keeping a tally of all the ways we can do better.

What we don’t know is the truth. What we forget is who we really are. In the midst of all of our own self doubt and criticism, what we don’t need is more reminders that we are struggling with doubt and self criticism and that we need to stop. What we do need is a reminder of who we really are, along with a side of outrageous love in the midst of those struggles.

The value of speaking the truth in love is only there if it speaks to the truth of who someone really is. The value is lost when negativity is dumped on a person, leaving them to process how another person has reminded them of all the ways they already knew they failed.

And here’s the eye opener: Those things are not truths. They are facts.

And while it might be a fact that we have failed in an area, the truth is that we are not failures.

When we think that we are speaking the truth in love by stating the facts to someone, we are neglecting the higher calling in the concept of speaking of the truth in love, which is build one another up.

Reminding someone that they need to improve in a certain area doesn’t build them up. Telling them that they are greater than their struggle does.

And while I do think it’s important to bring correction, to sharpen one another, and confront issues when necessary, when need to stop doing those things under the premise of speaking the truth in love.

Speaking the truth in love should never be a license to shit on people and tell them all the negative things they already know about themselves. Instead, it should always be for the purpose of calling them to a higher place, speaking to who they really are, and encouraging them to be the best version of themselves possible.

Dear Everyone, I’m A Fraud

October 19, 2017

Something happened a few months ago. I can’t fully explain it, but it pretty much went down like this: I suddenly started caring way more about what other people think. I’d love to say I have always been someone who lets things roll off my shoulders, but unfortunately, that would be a lie. I lived most of my life really caring, as in it really mattered to me what others thought about me. And then somewhere along the way, by the grace of God and God alone, I stopped caring so much. It was a good thing. I suddenly realized that the opinions of others don’t define me. And with that, I realized that life is too short to worry what other people think. And while I still allowed others to have a voice in my life, I held tight to that truth- that the opinions of others don’t define me.

But then, without warning, that detrimental people pleasing spirit snuck up from behind. No warning. Nothing. Just like that, I was my old people pleasing, people fearing self. I no longer believed that the opinions of others don’t define me….

5 Must Have Baby Items

October 3, 2017

When I was pregnant with my sweet girl, I remember being so stressed about what I needed. Although I was a first time mom, I did have some understanding of the fact that I wouldn’t need every single baby item on the planet. Even still, I was overwhelmed and wanted to be prepared. This led to some pretty humorous registering and re-registering, as well as purchasing and returning. Looking back, I feel it would have been beneficial to ask a few of my closest mom friends what their “must have items” were. For the sake of all of my pregnant friends and acquaintances, I decided to make a list with my own. But before I share my 5 must have baby items, I want to clarify a couple of things!

First of all, this list skips past the obvious items such as a crib and a carseat. Those things are absolute must have baby items, but this list assumes that to be a given. If you need recommendations on those things, I am happy to share with you. I will say that I *personally* recommend always buying a carseat brand new so that you know the exact condition. A carseat that has been in an accident should no longer be used. And while a carseat at a resale spot might look flawless on the outside, there’s no guarantee that it has not been in an accident. As far as a crib, I don’t see any problem with buying a used one, as long as you inspect it and it’s still fully safe, it should be fine!…

The 3 Biggest Challenges With Working From Home

September 21, 2017

This one is for all of my work-from-home friends, and especially for the ones with babies! While working from home is the ultimate dream for many people, there’s a challenging side that many people neglect to see. It definitely is my dream come true, but for me, working from home has taken a lot of discipline and a lot of effort. And again, while this post is geared towards other mamas, the challenges that come with working from home are certainly not exclusive to mamas.

For all of the work-from-home mamas out there, you know that babies can be entirely unpredictable at times. Even the most routined babies can be inconsistent, so it can create a great deal of challenges when working from home. But if we take a step back, and eliminate children from the picture, the challenges are present before we add the kiddos to the equation.

The nature of working from home is one in which there are numerous distractions as well as a lack of accountability in the midst of those distractions. Whether it’s the laundry, the dinner you needed to start an hour ago, the buzzing Facebook notifications, or even the ability to work in your jammies and be more relaxed, there are distractions everywhere….

My Kid, My Rules: How I Embrace My Authority

September 12, 2017

If I have learned anything since becoming a mom, it is that there are million right ways to parent. And if I have learned anything else since becoming a mom, it is that most moms believe with confidence that their way is the number one right way. And since learning these things as a mom, I have had to learn what it looks like to embrace my authority as a parent. It is a process, and I am learning constantly, but I realize a little bit more every day that it comes down to this: my kid, my rules.

Now, before you think this is an entire post about not receiving advice from other mamas, don’t.

I actually think the strength and unity in motherhood is so powerful and such a beautiful thing. As I was visiting my family and community in California recently, I was blown away by the impact of being surrounded by other mamas in my stage of life and parenting. There has not been a single time since my baby was born that I felt so incredibly uplifted, understood, and empowered….

How I Embrace My Mom Body

September 6, 2017

Let’s talk about the whole “mom body” thing for a bit. It’s such a common thing these days to hear someone say “just embrace your mom bod.” I want to talk about what that really means to embrace my mom body, but first, I want to give you a little back story.

If you know me personally, you know that I have struggled a great deal with body image. I have done the diets, I have swung from one end of the spectrum to the other, and I have hated myself and my appearance no matter what end of the spectrum I was on. My journey towards true health and self love has been a long and sometimes complicated one, and I have had my fair share of “rebound” phases. In the diet world, those phases are the times in which I give up on one fad diet and go drastically searching for another. I did that so many times in the beginning of my journey, and it never brought any satisfaction. What I realized over time is that really becoming healthy takes a lifelong commitment, and it also requires adjusting not only my physical choices and food consumption, but also adjusting my thought processes and shifting my paradigm….

7 Easy Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas

September 5, 2017

Alright, if you tuned in to my last marriage post, “Why I Date My Husband,” you were probably waiting for this post. I promised you easy and fun date night ideas for the times you can’t leave the house. Whether it’s because you don’t have childcare or because you don’t have money, I’ve got you covered. Over the last two years, my husband and I have had to get pretty darn creative with our date nights. Initially, our creativity was required due to our location and the lack of unique things to do. Our struggle now is more that we can’t leave our house because we don’t have childcare. And, like most of you, we don’t have a ton of extra money to spend on dates!

Because we have had to be so intentional, we have made a point to keep track of the creative date night ideas that were a true success so that we can pull those out of the hat again. I took a look at my list of about 30 random and fun ideas and I chose my top 7 to share with you! So here you go!…

Why I Date My Husband

August 29, 2017

Can I just be real for a minute? I am literally one hundred percent obsessed with my husband. I am that wife. I am the wife that other wives make fun of because I cry if my husband goes out of town. I don’t enjoy being away from him. I look forward to 5:23pm every single day and I shamelessly stand at the front door with our baby and watch for his Jeep to roll down the street. I absolutely love him and he is my very best friend.

And just as much as I love and adore him, it is easy for me to get bored with him. Why? Because life. Seriously, life just has a way sucking the energy out of you with its mundane ways. My husband gets home at 5:23pm, kisses me 13 times, grabs the baby, and ushers me off to the gym. I get a good workout in, come home and finish making dinner just in time for our baby to go to bed, and then we eat dinner. We both have a million things on our minds, so our conversations are scattered and less intentional than we would prefer. Then we both have work to do because, well, we both own small businesses. And before we know it, my 9pm bedtime has rolled around (because I am actually 87). And just like that, our day is over….